Controlling Parental Anger through Islam Parenthood

Part1: Anger management through Qur’an and Sunnah

We don’t see and hear ourselves when we are angry, especially when dealing with our kids. We shout, scream, and say things that are considered very mean in an adult world. It’s true that we are tired beyond belief, enraged, and torn apart, but kids only exhaust us because they are so full of energy themselves. Hence, we are unable to keep up. They are hardly responsible for our meltdown, but they tend to pay a price for that as well. Controlling parental anger is hard when deep down inside you feel like you own these children because they are yours. You see, we don’t even own ourselves, let alone our kids. We all are Allah’s amaanah.

I don’t realize the intensity of my behavior until I see someone else doing the same, and immediately I find myself in them. Alhamdulillah! He notifies us before we could think bad about others or before we even try to implant that mustard seed of arrogance in our hearts. What a mercy of Allah! Indeed, He is The Ever-Watching and The Wise!

I realize the severity of my rage when I hear mothers shouting at the tops of their voices. I can hear them despite the fact that we don’t share the same house and sometimes are not even immediate neighbors.

So I would like to highlight a few important points (reminding myself first):

1: Soft words

A few sound decibels are enough to teach kids and make them understand that they need to listen to you. Use a tone that can reach their ears softly. When you shout so loud that the neighbors can hear as well, then it will hardly enter the kid’s heart, mind, or even soul. A firm tone is enough with the proper choice of words.

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: ‘Kindness is not to be found in anything but that it adds to its beauty, and it is not withdrawn from anything, but it makes it defective.’ [Muslim]

2: Patience

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

‘Teach your children to pray when they are seven years old, and smack them (lightly) if they do not do so when they are ten.’ [Abu Dawood]

The hadith clearly teaches us to remind continuously with love for five times a day in three whole years— approximately 5475 times!

Do we have the capacity to be patient more than 5475 times over a simple matter? Do we teach with love? Is our frustration more important than the value and command of Allah?

[Read the full article @ where it was originally published]


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A soul juggling between the roles of a mother, wife, daughter in law and a student of deen and dunya. Currently a student of Islamic Psychology at IOU. With a hint of space in-between, I occupy myself in arts and crafts, photography, writing my heart out and sewing. I keep looking for more to do and explore. Always in search of contentment, finding it nowhere else but in Allaah.


  1. Needed to read this today! It’s so easy to get angry and end up shouting but children are here for us to take care of and we should not raise our voices.

    Yes it can be hard if you are overworked and get no help from your husband, but then that is our test…..and if we end up screaming and shouting we are pretty much failing.

  2. This is such an excellent reminder. It’s so so easy to end up losing your cool completely and when you reflect on it later – shouting is completely pointless as all they learn is to communicate that way in return!

  3. Subhanallah, you are sooo right. It’s easy to let our emotions overcome us and drive us into thinking the young ones under our care belong to us – to control and manipulate as we wish. While we all belong to Allah and they are only an Amanah. And this issue is relevant to parents, educators and other adult carers.

    As shepherds and the best example for the young ones, we need to learn the Seerah and take our example from the prophet as he dealt with children. The most important thing to remember is that they will ultimately learn from the adults from their lives. So let’s make it a worthy example.

  4. jazakAllah for the reminder which is always in need.
    opting for shouting and corporal punishment should be taken as a failure on the part of the mother but sometimes is the only last resort.
    well, we should make every effort to pray,to ask ALLAH(SWT) for the guidance to be a winning mother.

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