Finding Hope in Miscarriage Parenthood

 

Dear Niece/Nephew,

I don’t know what gender you were, but you were cherished deeply nonetheless. You were loved even when you didn’t fill the warm folds of my arms. But I’m glad they encompassed your mother when she needed it the most. Although late, but there.

She is the best friend I ever had and will ever have. A role model I always look up to. 

When I got to know that we would no longer be able to hear your tiny giggles or see you take baby steps into this world, I was reduced to tears while your mother stood strong, still grateful to Allaah. Her patience[1] didn’t even waver after seeing my breakdown. I cried for days even though I never saw you. Not even once. But love is not sight-bound. 

Being far away from your mother, I wrote a letter to her when everyone slept around me. I wrote on how her patience at first stroke of this calamity is an example for me, for all the mothers out there who have gone through this tragedy[2]

May be she cried when she was all alone. Her tears evaporated, rose up to the skies. Because I could see the hurt in those eyes, and I could hear the crack in her voice, but her lips formed nothing but a smile. You never saw the silent tears your mother shed for you. Her eyes wept but her tongue didn’t ask God, “WHY?”[3]

So I request that when you intercede[4] for your parents in front of Allaah on the Day of Judgment, don’t forget me. For I may not be able to reach the level of your mother, but I would just like to be able to get a foot through the gates of Jannah. 

Today, you have two amazing sisters, the twinkles of my eye. The gift we truly treasure after losing you. And in shaa Allah, more gifts to come…

I cry again as I write to you, and I’m sure your mother will cry again too, reading this – may be in the crease of her pillow cover. Yet nothing will leave her breath but a smile once again. For you are one of her door to Jannah – where, your playmate is perhaps Muhammad (ﷺ)’s son Ibrahim. There is a wet-nurse[5] for him, and I hope you share the bond with him too. He was 18 months old[6] and you were perhaps just 18 weeks. You are in a perfect place while we wait to come there too, away from this cruel world. We don’t wish to die but we wish to enter the world beyond our imaginations, when we do. I hope that when that day comes, we find you playing with your cute little friends around the tall man of stature, Ibrahim (as)[7]

So I let you go today my beloved, for my embrace can never replace the warmth of his…

 

References:

[1] The real patience is at the first stroke of a calamity. [Bukhari]

[2] In case anyone amongst you sees the sad demise of three children of (hers) and she resigns herself to the will of God hoping to get reward, she would be admitted to Paradise. A woman from amongst them said: Allah’s Messenger, even if they (the children who die) are two. Thereupon, he (the Holy Prophet, ) said: Even if they are two. [Muslim]

[3] …The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord, O Ibrahim ! Indeed we are grieved by your separation. [Bukhari]

[4] There are no two Muslims, three of whose children die before reaching puberty, but Allah will admit them to Paradise by virtue of His mercy toward them. It will be said to them: ‘Enter Paradise.’ They will say: ‘Not until our parents enter.’ So it will be said: ‘Enter Paradise, you and your parents.” [Nasai]

[5] There is a wet-nurse for him (i.e. Ibrahim) in Paradise. [Bukhari]

[6] Ibrahim, the son of the Prophet (saws), died when he was eighteen months old. [Abu Dawud]

[7] …..and the tall man you saw in the garden is (Prophet) Abraham, and the children around him are those who died upon Al-Fitrah (the Islamic Faith of Monotheism).”‘ The narrator added: Some Muslims asked the Prophet (saws) , “O Messenger of Allah! What about the children of Al- Mushrikun (i.e., polytheists, pagans, idolaters, and disbelievers in the Oneness of Allah and in His Messenger Muhammad (saws))?” The Prophet (saws) replied, “And also the children of Al-Mushrikun.” [Bukhari]

 

This article originally appeared in August 2015 issue of SISTERS magazine, now also available online HERE.

 

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Samina Farooq is an engineer by qualification, a Quran and Arabic-language student by occupation, a photographer by eye, a writer by heart, an artist by nature and a Muslim by soul. A mum of one is currently studying Intensive Arabic Program from Islamic Online University while also following Bayyinah institute's 'Arabic with Husna' classes, one baby step at a time.

Comments

  1. 🙂 i love u! 🙂 for the sake of Allaah… for the sake of my own self even! 🙂
    N yeah! Not two…. three sisters! :*

  2. Joddat Fatima Says: August 15, 2015 at 10:46 pm

    Sam em out of words
    This is wonderful

  3. I remember the letter you wrote me then… it had so many quranic verses and ahadith to give me nothing but hope and contentment Alhamdulillah!
    Alhamdulillah for being sooo lucky to have a friend like you! Insha Allaah on the day of judgment i will feel alot more lucky to choose you as my friend in this dunya! May Allaah reward every mo’min for every prick of hardship he/she goes through and make us content over the decree, He perfectly decreed upon us! Aameen 🙂

    • aameen thumma aameen…may we be each other’s path to Jannah…
      inshaaAllah i’ll publish that letter as well, hoping it would help others also, going through the same phase…

  4. I write. But I just write words. You write emotions. You write.. Life. This article has touched me on so many levels! It’s brilliant and it’s so intense. Much much love for you and prayers for your sister.

    • I kept thinking what to reply to you and i am still clueless. So Jazakillahu khairan katheera. May Allah keep us humble when such flattering comments come our way.
      P.s. Ayeina could use a writing like yours.

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