24 Unwritten Rules of Toddler-ingdom

by Shahira (in collaboration with Team AYEINA)

From the time we become teenagers to the point we have children; we tend to be very serious and focused, either with studies, work or household chores. Then suddenly we become parents and our world turns upside down. It goes from ME to WE.

And even though it’s some of the most difficult parts of life, it also comes with one of the funniest moments of life. The humorous situations and hilarious phrases we encounter as our children grow through the age spurt of energy oozing ones and terrible twos, are one of the best aspects of parenting. 

Rules of Toddler Kingdom

Here are a few laws, logics, and rules of toddler-ingdom (A very real world where the toddler rules with his washable crayons, too hard to wash and lego toys, too hard to step on).

Food world

1) Everything is infinitely tastier when on the floor than on the plate. The dirt from the floor makes it organic. 

2) The best toys are in the kitchen. And one of the best sounds in the world is the crashing of a glass cup and saucer on the hard floor.

3) Exercise the neck muscles by moving it right and left continuously until the food coming towards your mouth makes a sound of an airplane. 

4) Dodge mom by storing the food she feeds you, in different unexplored compartments of the mouth. 

5) Then spit out all the food at once as soon as she starts celebrating while looking smug.

6) Make art on walls with food items (jam, peanut butter, cheese etc.) because art has no boundaries. Think murals!

Clothing empire

7) Removing diaper straps/resealable tapes are so therapeutic. It’s like a stress ball (except it’s a tape instead of a ball). 

8) Every tag of every dress is a better teether than the over expensive Sophie.

9) A diaper can only be worn over the clothes. because Superman!

10) Jumping into newly folded laundry is as rejuvenating as fresh, cold water on a summer noon. And if the clothes are still hanging, then I have to hang with them. Otherwise, they’ll feel lonely.

11) Hanging onto the hem of mum’s clothes as soon as she starts talking to someone while repeating “ama” at least 5 times in a minute, keeps her conversation always surrounding me and my Kingdom only. 

12) Every adult conversation and actions shall be recorded for future usage. Especially in public.

Kingdom of play

13) The box of a really expensive toy is the best part of an eid gift.

14) For the future volleyball team, I need to practice with mom’s phone.

15) Sajdah is the best time to strengthen mom’s neck and back by making her lift toddler weight amidst her prayer. Mom’s suddenly a unicorn during salaah.

16) Mom’s prayer times are designated time for a trial of new actions like electric plug removal, filling the ears with beads and opening the faucets.

18) Every side table (with drawers) has a precious treasure in it waiting to be explored. Why would they be facing the wall otherwise!

Sleeping rules

19) A 65 cm tiny human being needs 3/4th of the king size bed. Mum likes to sleep while hanging off of the edge anyway. 

20) I get my daily dose of gymnastics during my nursing times. 

21) If I am tired, it is always better to cry at the loudest decibel than actually sleep. 

22) Keep mom and dad in shape by having them walk and rock you for 2 hours each night. Maybe even help them practice some vocal skills while they’re at it. 

23) Read all the books in bed. Education happens at night only. 

24) and last but not least, It is extremely easy to melt a ready-to-erupt mom – give a sweet toothy smile!

To make it through toddler-ingdom, feel free to download THIS FREEBIE.

May Allah give us Iman, health, and resources to bring them up in the best possible way. May He make our little children a beacon of hope for our Ummah. May He bless them with the best in both the worlds. 

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Co-Author’s Bio: Shahira is a dentist by profession. Currently on a sabbatical and enjoys being a stay-at-home-mother to her 1-year-old baby girl. She blogs at her personal page (drshahira.com) where she writes mostly about motherhood, dentistry, faith, creative writing, books, and of late, baby wearing and gentle parenting. She can be contacted on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.