Repeat after me:
I’m not calculated by the weighing scale
I am not my skin shade
I can’t be measured with an inches tape
I am not the money I make
My worth is not in the number of likes
My value is not in the praises I get
I am so much more and beyond
Within servitude of Allah, my rank is set
The obstacles in my life make me stop and think. I’m not worth what I’m told. I’m not worth the way I’m dealt…. I’m worth so much more! I am a servant! A servant of The Greatest! A servant of Who created me in the best of stature.
Loving yourself outside worldly measurements in a day of social media where each move and each sight is constantly gauged, is HARD. You can’t fully love yourself when there’s always a definition of perfection out there that doesn’t match you or your life. Hence, it’s a constant fight you are in – within.
Reasons Why We Lack Self-Love
1) Self Doubt
Owning our inner and outer beauty and complimenting ourselves without feeling guilty, arrogant, or entitled is what clearing self doubt looks like! Try to direct a compassionate mindset you have for others towards yourself as well. Thank your body for serving you. Thank your heart for supporting you. Thank your soul for keeping you!
Self-compassion is a way of relating to yourself that does not involve harshly judging or punishing yourself for every time someone does better than you. There will always be someone doing better than you and always be someone who is not. In terms of dunya, see the people who have less than you and in terms of deen and aakhirah, see the people above you and such comparison will always result in you stepping forward instead of taking two steps back each time you try to be a part of this world’s race.
3) Toxic People
Sometimes people around you may let you feel worthless and someone without substance. And even though the root cause is your own lack of self-love and perhaps sacrificing more of yourself than you were meant to, such people may aggravate the situation even further. Sometimes they may do it unintentionally even – in jest, in concern, in lack of wisdom etc. It’s important for you to learn to not label yourself with others’ opinions, while still having the courage to look inside to see if there might be some truth to it. Because self-love is not arrogant. Self-love is not self-entitlement. Self-love is simply self-kindness.
Self love is considered a taboo thought, a selfish act, a non-religious deed and even sometimes too evil to talk about! Probably if we use words like self-compassion, self-kindness and self-respect – it would sound much more acceptable! There should be no guilt in loving yourself as long as it is within the boundaries of Islam. You will be able to build your letting go muscle slowly and steadily in shaa Allah because self-compassion is much more effective in changing behavior than trying to motivate yourself with shame and self-criticism. It involves treating yourself with the same kindness, concern, and support you’d show to a good friend.
As a mother, this hits you the most. Because you tend to completely neglect yourself most of the times. Emotionally and physically. Putting everyone above but yourself. Prioritizing everyone and everything but yourself. So treat yo’self. Go to the spa. Take out time for yourself. If that isn’t an option for you, then open spa in a box at home. But put yourself forward.
This Halal Goodies box (filled with natural products) is your spa in a box each month. It’s the physical version of the phrase: TREAT YO’SELF! It came as a reminder at the right time. Your body has a right on you! Usually, you ignore buying such things because you think you are too busy to use them but receiving the box made me realize that I need to take out moments from my day to use them. Finding time won’t ever work. The time is NOW.
The box targets all of your senses. The sense of sight (with an art print designed by us and not to mention the beautiful packaging), the sense of smell (with an aromatic candle (and literally everything)), the sense of taste (with a yummy chocolate) and the sense of touch (with everything from handmade soaps to body butter, from cleanser to organic creams, from hair/hand wash to a lip balm). It’s also accompanied by a SISTERS magazine for an iman-boost (to work on your inner beauty) and a beautiful reminder from the Qur’an:
“We have certainly created man in the best of stature.” [95:4]
The description says:
“With society fitting you into a single standard of beauty, we want you to feel loved no matter how you’re created because you’re a creation of the Perfect One. You’re worth so much more than what meets the eye. You’re a flower that blooms. You’re a beauty that progresses through nurturing. You’re you and that is what’s beautiful about you, and our art is a reflection of that.”
How To Take Care of Yourself When Everything and Everyone Around Needs You:
If you’re a people pleaser, you know how hard it is to even fulfill your basic needs – because you’re constantly working for others day in and day out. If you’re a mum, then well – the situation gets even worse! So this idea constantly needs to become a conscious effort from your end to be able to instill at least SOME parts of it in your life!
Loving yourself or taking care of yourself does not translate as narcissism. It means taking care of the amaanah Allah gave you. Your body never leaves you alone. Yet you are guilty of all the ways you abandon it. You are Allah’s amaanah. So take care of your soul, but also take care of the container where this soul resides.
Your body, heart and mind – none of them belongs to you actually. They are an amaanah of Allah. Your soul has been granted this vessel as a test. And it will be taken back from you. One day or the other… Let’s not give back Allaah His amaanah in a damaged form. Take care of your body – do what keeps you healthy, Take care of your mind – do what keeps you sane! and most importantly – take care of your heart! Do what keeps you fulfilled! ❤
If someone calls you selfish for taking care of yourself, tell them that you are taking care of Allah’s amaanah. And amaanah is supposed to be given back the way it was given to you! Sane and bound – Safe and sound! 💞
Loving yourself also does not mean not loving others. Care deeply for others. Give generously to others. Love wholeheartedly. But don’t ever lose yourself in that path. Because you matter too. Your needs and wishes matter. Your emotions and soul matters too.
You will know that keeping yourself happy will make you a much better human being inshaaAllah.
Empathy is often mistaken for a path where you don’t know where you end and the other begins. Empathize with everyone but also sympathise with yourself. It takes the strongest muscle in your body to show such love. But like all muscles, the more you’ll use it, the stronger it will get inshaaAllah.
Update: for more details on Halal Goodies box, visit their website – http://www.halalgoodies.co.uk/
Note: We were sent the box from Halal Goodies but that doesn’t affect our honest opinion. Kindly see our disclosure policy.