Ahadith That Feel Like a Bandaid in Motherhood

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9) Mercy extended towards mothers even during the Salah

Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “I stand up to lead Salat with the intention of prolonging it. Then I hear the crying of an infant and I shorten the Salat lest I should make it burdensome for his mother” [Bukhari]

The kutbah was all beautiful and peaceful that day. My 1yr old was a happy baby sitting with her 3yr old aapi (big sis) enjoying the tranquility of the mosque. The imam said takbir and the beautiful silence prevailed. We finished the first rakah and then came the second…As the fatihah started, it got muffled by the continuous crying of a distressed baby…
And I realised it was MY BABY!

The very moment I said my tasleem, I rushed to pick her up and hugged both of my kids. I could sense the stares. And then I heard the imam saying through the speaker… “I hope that the elderly ones like me and the rest of the daughters will be patient with this great mother who chose to bring such little kid with her and didn’t hold back. Let the kids develop love for the masaajid.”

I found myself with buckets of tears rolling down my cheeks drenching my kids’ hair as they cradled in my lap. I wish I could remember every word he said that made all those annoyed stares turn into pride and encouragement, but it was all an emotional haze after those few words…

Continuous experiences and interactions make things easier for both parties. If we take children away from the mosques, they will never learn how to accommodate other people and people will never learn how to accommodate the kids!

May Allah develop the love of masajid in our children’s hearts because one of the 7 who will be under Allah’s shade in aakhirah will be the people who worshipped Allah from a young age! May Allah make our kids one of those!

10) Jannah awaits us (in shaa Allah)

Jibreel came to the Prophet ﷺ and said, “O Allah’s Messenger ﷺ! This is Khadija coming to you with a dish having meat soup. When she reaches you, greet her on behalf of her Lord (Allah) and on my behalf, and give her the glad tidings of having a Qasab palace in Paradise wherein there will be neither any noise nor any fatigue (trouble).” [Sahih Bukhari 3820]

As I walked while rocking my inconsolable newborn in my arms, tears filled my eyes thinking of a palace in Jannah that was promised to Khadija رضي الله عنها – a palace without noise or fatigue.

The Arabic words used in the hadith are:
صخب
means a mixture of noise, shouts, and cries.
نصب
means distress, fatigue, to exert to the utmost, struggle hard, stand upright, being in a vertical position, illness, and sorrow.

Having young kids means you’re likely surrounded by all that. While drowned in ‘sakhab’ and ‘nasab’ myself, I realised that Khadija was also a mother of young kids back then. And a glad tiding of a palace without any noise and fatigue must have been such a timely joyous moment for her.
It’s also a reminder for us that we do this all for the sake of Allah. We don’t do it so our kids grow up to serve us. We don’t do it so we can have a certain status in society. We don’t do it so we have someone to depend on in our old age. May we all remember that we do it for Allah alone. And that intention fuels the motivation to keep going.

We often see parents striving so hard to motivate kids toward Jannah while forgetting themselves in the process. These women are amazing examples of those who strove towards Jannah themselves and inspired their children towards that beautiful goal too 💞

11) The importance of a mother over fard kifaayah (communal obligation)

It was narrated from Mu’awiyah bin Jahimah As-Sulami, that Jahimah came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said:
“O Messenger of Allah! I want to go out and fight (in Jihad) and I have come to ask your advice.”
He said: “Do you have a mother?”
He said: “Yes.”
He said: “Then stay with her, for Paradise is beneath her feet.”
[Sunan an-Nasa’i 3104]

When it’s hard to walk and the weight of my womb swells my legs, I remind myself Jannah is beneath my feet.
When I hide in the bathroom just to shed all the tired tears I’ve been holding onto all day long in front of the kids, I have to remind myself that Jannah is right beneath my feet.
When the baby is up all night long and I wake up tired and sleepless even though I’ve been in bed for 10 hours, I close my eyes one last time to affirm that Jannah is indeed beneath my feet.
When people asked me what I did all day long and I wanted to answer “tried my best to pave my way towards Jannah”, I reminded myself that Jannah is beneath my feet but they wouldn’t understand.
When I read the hadith where Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “…Paradise is surrounded by all kinds of disliked undesirable things.”  [Sahih al-Bukhari 6487], I reminded myself that motherhood is not all sparkles and smiles, but those undesirable things put Jannah beneath my feet.

When I became a mother and realised why my own mother was so worried about me even when I was all grown up and independent, I reminded myself that she too has Jannah beneath her feet.
And when I look at all the mothers around me struggling day in and day out without any appreciation or help, I console myself that one fine day, with the Mercy of Allah, their hardships will be replaced with ease. In Jannah that was all along wrapped beneath their feet.

My Prophet told the whole world through his hadith that Jannah was beneath the feet of a mother, yet I couldn’t understand why everyone asked if I was “just a mother”?
Yes, I am! I’m just a mother! And if being one for the sake of Allah puts Jannah beneath my feet, I’m happy to be just that!

Just. a. mother.

12) A mother comes thrice before the father

Abu Huraira reported that a person said:

Allah’s Messenger! Who amongst the people is most deserving of my good treatment?

He said: Your mother, again your mother, again your mother,

then your father…

[Sahih Muslim 2548b]

Every time I shifted in my sleep because of reflux during pregnancy and saw my husband sleeping fast asleep, I thanked Allah for my ranks thrice higher.
Every time I wobbled like a penguin while my husband reached the destination in half the time, I thanked Allah for my ranks thrice higher.
Every time the contractions got worse and my husband couldn’t do anything but reassure me, I thanked Allah for my ranks thrice higher.
Every time I woke up at night sacrificing my sleep to nurse the baby while my husband drifted off into his dreams, I thanked Allah for my ranks thrice higher.
Every time I cried through the initial pain of nursing while my husband felt helpless because it was only my body capable of such a miracle, I thanked Allah for my ranks thrice higher.
Every time I woke up with pain all over my body feeling like 10 years older because I’ve had no sleep for years while my husband felt 10 years younger, I thanked Allah for my ranks thrice higher.
Every time I saw those nursing little eyes glaring back at me while my husband couldn’t experience all of those beautiful moments, I thanked Allah for this honour of carrying and nurturing His amaanah and for my ranks thrice higher….

It’s easier to undermine our roles as mothers based on what we are being fed by society. Knowing my self-worth means recognising the honour Allah has granted me – that He has not granted any man on this earth. It’s HARD! No wonder Allah calls these stages “wahnan ala wahn” in the Quran (hardship upon hardship), but no high rank comes without its challenges. When Allah has put us three ranks higher, it’s a shame that we keep putting ourselves down and keep ourselves last on the list of everything.

13) Allah’s Mercy and Love is far beyond a mother’s love

Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “Allah created 100 units of mercy on the Day He created the heavens and the earth. Each one of them can contain all that is between the heaven and the earth. Of them, he put one on earth, through which a mother has compassion for her children…” [Riyad as-Salihin 420]

How can something take so much from you yet give you so much is beyond me.
I know it’s right when we say that motherhood has taken so much from us. But it gives us so much more than what we ask Allah for.
It saps our energy but gives us double the power.
It wears us down, but also gives us the ability to stand up back again.
It makes us extra emotional, but it also grants us that extra emotional strength.

It feels like a royal maternity leave that started way before this responsibility was given to us. Every year, Allah gives us more than 80 days off of prayers without the expectation of making them up later on. Although we could not have chosen this duty of bearing children by the end of it all, we were given all the benefits as our bodies prepared for this massive honour. Or we could not have been given this duty of childbearing at all by Allah Himself and yet we could still be eligible to enter Jannah because ibaadah comes in so many forms…

I’m reminded of Allah’s infinite mercy in this postpartum period. When Allah lets you take a break from His obligations when no one else will do that. We are expected to be present for each of our other obligations, but the Most Merciful Lord relieves us of His obligation because He knows that showing up physically in this difficult period of life won’t be easy. On top of that, He also made it known to all, so no one else would pressurize or judge us for taking a break because He knows we are still worshipping Him by taking care of the amaanah He gave us.

It’s a lesson for us all on what to learn from our Merciful Lord. What a contrast between the Creator and the creation! In the eyes of others, perhaps you are expected to still cook, clean, organise, manage, and do everything just like before, but Allah knows He has given your body a bigger job to do and hence out of everyone, YOU could use a break – when the rest of the world is still expected to stand in front of Him 5 times a day!

SubhaanAllah, this is just a fraction of His Mercy…The vastness of it all baffles me…

Whenever I fear what will happen to my children if I’m not around, I recall this beautiful hadith again. The One Who loves them way more than me is there for them. I will have to let go some days and wrap them in the protective duas with the belief that One Who controls this world’s mercy (even the mercy within animals) will be merciful towards my children and attract others’ mercy towards them too.

May all of us be among those who are showered 99 parts of His Mercy in Aakhirah too!

14) Your child’s ibaadah is your reward too!

Sometimes, we feel so little doing the mundane things for kids, stressed out with a huge number of responsibilities dropped on our shoulders – that we fail to realize the beauty of this hadith:

It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbas that: a woman held up a child of hers to the Messenger of Allah and said: “O Messenger of Allah, is there Hajj for this one?” He said: “Yes, and you will be rewarded.” [Sunan an-Nasa’i 2645]

نَعَمْ وَلَكِ أَجْرٌ
Yes, and YOU will be rewarded.
The child is innocent already – they don’t need all these good deeds to go to Jannah (before puberty). So whatever effort you put in for your kids when they’re young is YOUR reward, mama!

As @leadersamongstmothers said: “How beautiful and comforting to know that Allah witnesses everything and to know that His reward awaits us. This world can never truly appreciate a mother, but Allah does. No sacrifice, no struggle, misses His sight. However imperfect our efforts may be! THIS comforts my heart.”

So, to a mum whose back bends backwards to accommodate her family, I make dua that Allah grants you a family who lends their hearts in their hands to support your breaking back.

To a mum who skipped endless opportunities of this glittery world to opt for guidance and a path of eeman for herself and her kids…

To a mum who feels like she’s all alone in this, I make dua that a community full of kind people will hold your hand not only in this dunya but also in the aakhirah.

I make dua that Allah sends you His favourite souls who see the greatness in you even if you don’t see it within you right now. I make dua that they give you the power to stand on your own feet and reconnect you with Allah so you can soar high again.

To a mum who feels like she has dedicated her whole life to her kids while everyone moved ‘ahead’, I make dua that your ranks are raised in Jannah without you even knowing why you’re being promoted and upon inquiry you find out that it’s because of the good deeds your kids did as a result of your tarbiyyah.

I pray for you because you’re not alone in this.

15) To not praise or follow unrealistic ideals

It was narrated from Aishah (رضي الله عنها) that: The Prophet ﷺ came in to her and there was a woman with her. He said: “Who is this?” She said: “So-and-so, and she does not sleep.” And she told him about how she prayed a great deal. He ﷺ said: “Stop praising her. You should do what you can, for by Allah, Allah never gets tired (of giving reward) until you get tired. And the most beloved of religious actions to Him is that in which a person persists.” [Sunan an-Nasa’i 1642]

STOP PRAISING HER…Since I’ve read this hadith, I can’t get it out of my head.

The phrase “stop praising her” is EVERYTHING! Because that’s where our self-esteem and our self-care are threatened. Whenever I praise someone on something so unideal, I recall this hadith and ask myself – the people I’m praising (especially in front of my kids), are they sacrificing something that they shouldn’t in order to achieve this said greatness? Because I’m also setting unreal standards in front of the kids by praising them.

Prophet ﷺ said “Stop praising her” because she was constantly sacrificing her sleep to pray while Allah gave her that body as an amaanah. Aisha (رضي الله عنها) was impressed by her, but Prophet ﷺ asked her to stop idealising her because she was supposed to take care of her body too. Her time was for her family too.

If you want to do something consistently, it’s so important to not go overboard. Know your obligations so you are not preferring nawafil over fara’id. Your basic sleep and fard Salah come before nafl prayer. Your prayer comes before your business. Your family comes before your community.

Every time you feel out of balance, ask yourself if you are sacrificing things that you shouldn’t? Are you sacrificing your basic needs because you want to meet these unreal standards? Is that coming from hearing society’s constant appraisal of something unideal?

It starts with YOU! Stop praising her. Stop praising him. Stop praising them. If they are sacrificing the wrong things, whatever is built upon that won’t hold much value in front of Allah because of the lack of foundation beneath. So stop praising them. Stop praising him. Stop praising her!

16) Normalise asking for help

Narrated `Ali رضي الله عنه: Fatima رضي الله عنها complained of what she suffered from the hand mill and from grinding…
She went to Prophet ﷺ to ask for a maid-servant, but she couldn’t find him, and told Aisha of her need. When Prophet ﷺ came, Aisha informed him of that.
Prophet ﷺ came to our house when we had gone to our beds. (On seeing the Prophet) we were going to get up (out of respect), but he said, ‘Keep at your places,’…
Then he ﷺ said, “Shall I tell you a thing which is better than what you asked me for?
When you go to your beds, say: ‘Allahu Akbar (i.e. Allah is Greater)’ for 34 times,
and ‘AlhamduLillah (i.e. all the praises are for Allah)’ for 33 times,
and ‘SubhanAllah (i.e. Glorified be Allah)’ for 33 times.
This is better for you than what you have requested.” [Bukhari 3113]

Fatima رضي الله عنها realised she needed help (as a mother of 5 kids) and knew that her husband couldn’t provide that help for her (he used to draw water, one bucket for one date according to Hadith; Ibn Majah 2447 – meaning both husband and wife worked hard till their bodies ached) so she went to her father. And then she mentioned her need to Aisha رضي الله عنها as well without any sense of guilt for needing help…Although she didn’t get the help she was expecting, she got a beautiful replacement instead. Speaking of her need gave her these beautiful adhkaar along with the closure she needed instead of resentment.

Dear mama! As much as it’s hard, ASK whenever you need help! Sometimes people would realise, sometimes they won’t. So ASK! Sometimes that help may come in the form of a machine that makes your task easier. Sometimes in the form of a supportive family member or a friend. Sometimes through a paid house help or a therapist. Sometimes through advice like this…Asking for help doesn’t make you incompetent or weak. It makes you human!

READ the full article written (more lessons) on this hadith HERE!