ayeina samina farooq

My dear little one,

I thought I knew what love feels like because I had seen love in so many forms. But I never knew it could still feel like a whole new experience. Like it was the first time I experienced it. I never knew I had such an ability to love. That too, so unconditionally…

You didn’t come into the world crying and I’d like to think it’s because you were really looking forward to meeting me. For you loved the sound of my voice and my heartbeat. You wanted to see the person beyond all that. You were happy to be in the world where I lived.

My body still hurts from head to toe from growing you between the cracks of my skin and it’s strange how the cause is also the medicine…Nothing good ever came easy. So I gave up the good and went for the great.

I lose track of time as I sacrifice my already spare sleep just so I could get lost in your sight. I steal glances at you just to make sure you’re alright. Although you’re right beside me, snuggled up in my warm embrace. And sometimes, just to get filled with awe amidst the innocence and purity that you’re wrapped in.

Tears crawl into my eyes. And then I breathe in anything foolish enough to leave you.

People say that I should sleep as soon as you do, but I miss you when you’re asleep. So I shower you with kisses instead. I lose the count of pecks you receive in a day.

My heart never takes a break from loving you and if my thoughts could be unspooled like a yarn, they would unravel my inability to think about anything but you.

You cry and I cry with you. What hurts you, hurts me more. You smile and I giggle like a two year old, who has butterflies with wings of fire fluttering in her tummy. Your toothless grin stretches me 5 feet taller.

I let you sleep over me and then stay stuck in that situation for as long as you want to sleep. You exhale and I let your breath tickle my cheeks.

And those are the magical moments when I write these love letters to you.

Oh, how I question my sanity sometimes. But they say it right. Love does take away some part of your sanity. That’s why they put it in words like – insanely in love. I just didn’t know if it could take all of my sanity. What was creepy once, is now my normal.

If only love could be put into words…I would pour oceans of gratitude upon my skin.

You never said you loved me, but maybe you do…though its intensity can never match mine.

You are my calendar – days begin and end with the rise and fall of your breath.

How can someone love so much and not spark into fire. How can someone be loved so much and not spoil to ashes.

So I’m afraid I’ll love you to the point where it’s more destructive than constructive…

But when time will move forward and you will face a lack of faith in yourself someday…know that someone out there deems you forever beautiful inside out and has faith in you, without any care about how you look, what you do, or what you own…

My God do I love you…

Oh, you’re up…so till next time…

Your secret admirer,
Your mother

quote samina farooq

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Part 2:  A Letter to My Foster Child

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20 COMMENTS

  1. Ya rab! I am just speechless! This is so beautifully written, brought me to tears
    I pray that Allah makes her the coolness of your eyes in this world and the next
    Amen

  3. Ohh my goodness gracious Samina what did you do to write these honey coated naahhh in fact love coated words, you made me teary even though i have not experienced this kind of love yet :*

    • you have experienced them with your mother and may you experience them with your daughter/son/children as well 🙂
      and btw I didn’t do anything extra. just became a mother :p though I still believe these words don’t do justice to these feelings.

  4. 😉 that was beautiful, mashaAllah, may Allah bless your relationship with baby, a million times and over. No wonder Allah orders us to obey our parents so highly, they sacrifice so much for us and there love for us is great.
    ❤️

  5. This is so beautiful! JazakAllah for painting your mommy love with such magical words. I pray the baby girl grow up fast so she can read it! 😀
    And I’m gonna go give my mommy a virtual hug! *grabs tissue*

    • Jazakillah khair.
      Ah yes, you realise the true worth of a mother only when you become one yourself.
      I didn’t cry when I wrote this piece but I was bawling when I read it out to my mother.

  7. This is beautiful Samina! Congratulations on becoming a mommy. May Allah bless you both. Now I know how my mother feels about me <3

  9. So intense. So beautifully written. You have a way with words MashaAllah. May Allah bless you to use your talents for His sake.

    I nod in agreement to every word of this. It is a love so insane, so indescribable, so consuming.

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